Many of the women I coach are at a stage in their lives where they have to take financial control or share financial control.
As a professional financial coach, and someone who is in my second marriage I can speak first hand about how to navigate financial confidence and a happy financial marriage in later life.
If talking about money makes you squirm, then create a safe environment to discuss money issues – from the monthly food bill to saving for next year’s holiday. I have found it is easier to do this when everyone else is out and you have the place to yourself, or take yourselves out for coffee and discuss the money issues, or over a glass of wine at the end of the week. Create some fun around it, it’s something you are doing together. It will take practice.
Choose your language carefully, it must be “we” and “us” not “you” and “I”.
Discuss options, never blame one another – it just causes resentment, and create your plan together. Whether it’s a recovery plan, or a plan to tighten your belts, or a plan to save for Christmas. Make a plan! It may be a list of things you need to do, or actions you need to take – share the load with each of you taking some responsibility.
So many times, communication, and relationships break down due to not talking about money issues. Once communication and trust breaks down there isn’t anywhere to hide, so it’s important to get this right.
If you want to open a joint account – you must both be totally clear on why you’re setting it up. I’ve seen it done well and very badly and here’s what I recommend:
I think it’s good to have a joint account for joint bills, so there is total transparency about what is being spent – It is guaranteed to avoid awkward conversations down the line.
I like the idea of having a joint account for all the joint bills, and what one rather ingenious client of mine has recently done. Is they calculate how much all the joint bills will be, then transfer an equal amount into a joint Monzo account (or other challenger bank that has an app) and they each have cards, and they can track what gets spent on – from coffee out to trips to B&Q – it’s so easily tracked. Everyone has visibility and accountability and this way there are no awkward conversations.
However, I also believe it’s good to retain a solo bank account, especially if you are coming together in your later years – relinquishing total financial control can cause anxiety and, at times, resentment – and you want to avoid all that. Also how can you arrange a surprise weekend away if your partner can see everything? Lots of my clients have a joint account for household bills and solo accounts for their personal stuff.
I believe it is a good idea to retain some financial independence, to have some of your “own” money – it is more liberating, it positively influences your confidence and your mood.
Money often affects how we react every single day. There are hundreds of little decisions that we make each day without even realising it that are influenced by our past experiences that have affected how we react and treat money. Understanding how we all feel about money, being honest and talking about it will always help any challenging situation that involves money.
A little about me:
I’m a qualified and experienced Financial Coach and Financial Advisor.
It’s my job to help you work towards developing lasting positive change around your finances through support, motivation, accountability and setting a clear path towards becoming financially free. I can help you reduce financial overwhelm through a proven plan of action that is never critical or judgemental and gets great results.
l empower you to get clarity, be confident and take control over your finances. To master your money and live the life you deserve. If this sounds like something you need in your life then please get in touch: